the knitting ref

Monday, November 07, 2005

Feeling Better

Let's start happy with a picture of my Nubbs. He's a 3-year-old rescue kitty, so named because when we got him, he had been abused to the point that he's blind in 1 eye and is missing 1 foot (ergo, Nubbs). He's such a sweetie, When I've had chemo, he posts himself with me on the couch, hardly moving unless I get up, and even then he's right on my heels. He truly is Mr. Mellow.

After my dr.'s appointment last week, I was feeling kind of down. My tumor marker has gone up dramatically, and even though I don't feel "bad", I was feeling very down. I just went into my rendition of a hermit this weekend, just waiting until my appointment at the City of Hope. I spent most of the weekend swinging between hope that there's something they can do, and depression because I was afraid they wouldn't.

Except for having to wait forever and a day to see the oncologist, it was an extremely positive appointment. 3 years of treatment has taught me a lot, so there was no way the doctor was going to be able to feed me a line, if you know what I mean. And he didn't. He was very upbeat, but not to the point of being artificial. He explained that there were some options we can explore, and that more positive treatments are coming down the pipeline. So I left feeling pretty good. The doctor gave me a couple of immediate options to think about, but I didn't have to make a decision.

Getting off topic for a minute--one of the things that I really HATE about having cancer is that, I'm never completely happy anymore. There are times when good things happen, and I enjoy the moment, but there's always a bit of bitter with it. It's something I never seem to be able to get away from. O.k., I'm off my pity pot now.

As luck would have it, I have a phone appointment with my gynocologist/oncologist of the last 3 years this afternoon, so I can discuss the options the new doctor gave me. The idea of leaving Dr. Wagner gives my heart a little (o.k. a big) hitch--he's that good, but I also recognize that if I'm going to keep effectively fighting this *$%#** disease, I'm going to have to leave what is otherwise a very good hospital and go to a "National Cancer Institute" where treatment is cutting-edge.

On the knitting front, I finished the girl child's zebra socks except for kitchenering and started my MIL's socks. I figure I'll do the kitchenering tonight. Pictures tomorrow of both the finished project and the WIP.


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